Religion Jokes

Three men of God were asked the same question: "When does life begin?"
The catholic priest answered: "At the moment of conception."
The Anglican vicar replied: "When the child is born."
And the rabbi said: "When the children are married and the mortgage has been paid off."

A wife insisted that her husband accompany her to her church every Sunday. But for him it was an ordeal and he always had difficulty staying awake. She was aware of this and one Sunday she took along a hat pin with which to poke him every time he fell asleep.

Five minutes into the service, just as the husband was dozing off, the preacher asked:"Who created the Universe?" The wife poked her husband with the hat pin and the husband shouted: "My God!"

A few minutes later, the husband's eyes were shutting again just as the preacher asked:"And who died on the cross for you?" The wife gave a sharp poke with the hat pin and the husband shouted: "Jesus Christ!"

Shortly afterward, the husband was asleep once more. The wife poked him with the hat pin just as the preacher asked: "And what did Eve say to Adam the second time she was pregnant?" The husband woke up with a start, jumped to his feet and yelled: "By God, if you poke me with that thing again one more time, I'm going to break it off!"

A builder was fixing a nail into the church roof when he accidentally hit his thumb with the hammer. "Damn it, I missed!" exclaimed the builder in agony.
"You shouldn't say that," said the priest from below.
"Why not?" sneered the builder. "Will I be struck by a bolt of lightning or something?"
"Yes, you might well be," replied the priest.
A moment later there was a terrific flash and a bolt of lightning shot down from the sky. It narrowly avoided the builder but struck the priest dead. And a voice from above boomed out: "Damn it, I missed!"