Navy Jokes

A naval officer met a pirate at an inn and couldn't help but noticing that the pirate had a wooden leg, a hook and an eye patch.
"How did you get the wooden leg?" asked the officer.
"Well," said the pirate, "we were in a storm at sea and I was swept overboard into shark-infested waters. And one of the sharks bit off my leg."
"That's terrible," said the officer. "What about the hook? How did you come by that?"
"Well," said the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and in the heat of battle, my right hand was sliced off by an enemy swordsman."
"How terrible," said the officer. "And the eye patch?"
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye."
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?"
"Well, it was my first day with a hook."

Through the pitch black of night, a navy captain saw a light dead ahead on collision course with his ship. He immediately sent a signal.
"Change your course ten degrees east."
The light signaled back: "Change yours ten degrees west."
The captain was angry and sent another signal: "I'm a navy captain. Change your course, sir!"
The signal came back: "I'm a seaman, second class. Change your course, sir!"
The captain was furious at such insubordination and sent another signal: "I'm a battleship - I'm not changing course!"
The reply came back: "And I'm a lighthouse."

The admiral was resting in his quarters when suddenly the lookout burst in. "Two enemy ships spotted on the horizon, sir."
"Right," said the admiral, "Fetch me my red shirt."
The danger passed but later in the day the lookout burst in once more. "Three enemy ships spotted on the horizon, sir."
"Right," said the admiral leaping to his feet. "Fetch me my red shirt."
Again the danger passed but the lookout felt compelled to ask the admiral why he always ordered his red shirt when battle was imminent.
"Well," explained the admiral, "It is a question of morale. If I'm wounded while wearing a red shirt, the men won't see the blood and will continue to fight."
When this answer was relayed to the men, all agreed that the admiral was a remarkably courageous man.
The next morning, the admiral was resting in his quarters as usual when suddenly the lookout burst in. "Twelve enemy ships spotted on the horizon, sir."
"Right," said the admiral. "Fetch me my brown underpants."