Marriage on the Rock Jokes

After 35 years of marriage, a husband said he wanted a divorce. His wife was stunned. "But John," she pleaded; " how could you want to divorce me after all we've been through together.? Remember how just after we met, you caught malaria and nearly died, but I looked after you? The when your family were wiped out in a hurricane, I was out there for you. Then when you were falsely accused of armed robbery, I stood by you. Then when lost 40,000 dollars on the horses, I sympathized. And when that fire destroyed your office, I comforted you. How could you leave me? We've been through so much."
"That's the problem, Sue. Face it, you're bad luck."

A woman went to an attorney to ask about divorce.
"What grounds do you have, madam?"
"About six acres."
"No, I don't think you quite understand. Let me rephrase the question. Do you have a grudge?"
"No, just a parking space."
"I'll try again. Does your husband beat you up?"
"I always get up at least an hour before he does."
The attorney could see he was fighting a losing battle. "Madam, are you sure you want a divorce?"
"I'm not the one who wants a divorce.," she said. "My husband does. He claims we don't communicate."

A wife told her husband that the cleaner was broken and ordered her husband to fix it.
"Do I look like the Hoover repairman?" he asked indignantly and carried on reading the newspaper.
The next day she told him that the washing machine had broken and ordered him to fix it.
"Do I look like Maytag repairman?" he snapped and carried on reading the paper.
The day after, she told him that the computer was broken and ordered him to fix it.
"Do I look like a computer technician?" he moaned and carried on reading the paper.
A few weeks later the husband said: "I see you got everything fixed. How did you get it all done so cheap?"
"Well, " said the wife, "you know Pete next door? He agreed to do the repairs for free if I'd sleep with him or sing him a song."
"What song did you sing?" asked the husband.
The wife replied: "Do I look like Tina Turner?"