Texas Jokes

A Texan was standing admiring the beauty of Niagara Falls when a New Yorker standing next to him said sarcastically: "I bet you don't have anything like that in Texas."
"No," said the Texan, "but we've got plumbers who could fix it."

A Texan man went into the bar and ordered drinks for everyone. When asked what's the occasion, he replied, "My wife just delivered a baby boy." Everyone showered him with congratulations and he was basking on them. Then he was asked how much did the baby weigh. Before he answered, he drank his beer and said proudly, "A typical, typical Texan boy. Twenty pounds." Everyone was amazed and said, "WOW!"

A month later, the same Texan man came back to the same bar. While he was drinking his beer, the bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the guy whose wife delivered a twenty-pound baby boy a month ago?" The Texan replied, "Sure am. A typical, typical Texan boy."

"How much does the boy weigh now?" asked the bartender.
"Ten pounds," replied the Texan calmly.
"I thought he weighed twenty pounds at birth. What happened?" the bartender was a little concerned.
The Texan drank his remaining beer, wipe the bubbles off his lips, looked at the bartender for a moment and then said, "Have him circumcised."

A Texan on a steamer trip along the Alaskan coast was boasting to locals about how the Lone Star State had the biggest and best of everything. Just then a huge iceberg came into view. The Texan was rendered speechless for a second. "Hell," he said, "I have to admit you've got bigger ice cubes."

A blind man travelled by airplane to Texas. On board the plane, he felt the plush seats and remarked how big they were. The passenger next to him said: "Everything is big in Texas."
When he landed in Texas, he went straight to a hotel bar in Dallas and ordered a beer. The bartender served it in a mug. The blind man felt the mug and commented on its size. The bartender said: "Everything is big in Texas."
After three beers, the blind man needed the toilet, so he asked the bartender for directions. But he accidentally went to the swimming pool instead and fell in. As he flopped around terrified in the water, he screamed: "Don't flush! Don't flush!"