Doctors Jokes

A man wasn't feeling well so he went to the doctor. The doctor asked him what he ate.
"Well, doctor," said the man, "for breakfast I have two pool balls - one yellow, one purple. For lunch I have two more pool balls - a blue and a white. And for dinner I have two reds and two blacks."
"I'm not surprised you're not well," said the doctor. "You're not having enough greens."

A woman had been advised by her doctor to go on a strict diet but she couldn't discipline herself and would spend most of the day raiding the fridge. As her weight ballooned, one day she got stuck on the lavatory seat.
"John, John!" she called to her husband. "The lavatory seat's stuck to my butt. Fetch the doctor."
The husband asked the doctor to come round as soon as he could but didn't explain what the problem was. In the meantime, the husband managed to remove the seat from the lavatory bowl but it still wedged fast to his wife's backside. He suggested she go and kneel on the bed until the doctor arrived.
When the doctor showed up, the husband showed him straight into the bedroom where the wife was kneeling with her back to the door.
"What do you think, doc?" asked the husband.
"I think it's very nice," replied the doctor, "but why such a cheap frame?"

A young medical student approached a patient brandishing a syringe. "Nothing to worry about," said the student, "just a little prick with a needle."
"Yes, I know you are," said the patient. "But what are you going to do?"

A professor was removing parts of a dead man's body before a class full of medical students. "This is the heart, this is the liver, these are the kidneys…."
"What's he doing?" asked a latecomer.
"Sssh. He's giving an organ recital."

A woman and a baby were in doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby and asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast fed," she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.
The doctor then pressed, kneaded and pinch both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing - the one who swallowed all those quarters?"
Nurse: "No change yet."

Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. The senior surgeon had to pull them apart.
"What's this all about?" said the surgeon angrily.
"It's the Internal Revenue inspector in G ward," said one. "He's only got two days to live."
"He had to be told," said the second doctor.
"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"

An old man woke up in the recovery room after an operation and said: "Thank God that's over!"
"You're lucky," said the guy in the next bed. "They left a scalpel inside me and had to cut me open again."
"How terrible!" said the old man.
"They had me open up again too." said the guy on the other side. "To find their sponge."
"That's dreadful," said the old man.
Just then, the surgeon who had operated on the old man stuck his head round rhe door and asked: "Has anybody seen my hat?"
The old man fainted.